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 Much
of what you hear from your parents, teachers and counselors focuses on
the development of your self-esteem. You're endlessly reminded that a
strong sense of self-worth coupled with a healthy dose of confidence
will enhance your capacity to succeed in life and keep pace with your
competition.
What you are being told is accurate. But, everyone
assumes that you know what 'self-esteem' is! Perhaps you do, but what
if you don't? What then are you to make of what you are being told?
On the other hand, you might be interested to know
that there exists a rather significant number of educators,
psychologists and others that do not believe in self-esteem, or if
they believe in it,,'they discount the need for it in order for young
persons to succeed.
Accordingly, let's take some time to establish what
self-esteem is and then allow you to estimate its importance in your
life. The philosopher Marcus Aurelius in 30 B.C. espoused, "Think
of what you have rather than what you lack. Of the things you have,
select the best and then reflect how eagerly you would have sought
them, if you did not have them." In other words, gratitude for
that which you have contributes to your sense of self-worth. Imagining
not having that which is vitally important to you, (i.e. your health,
a supportive and loving family, freedom, etc.) allows you to put into
perspective those aspects of your life that contribute to your sense
of confidence and identity.
Two research psychologists, Deci and Ryan (1994) speak
of contingent as distinguished from true self-esteem. Contingent
self-esteem is simply self-esteem that develops from conditional tasks
and relationships. For example, feeling good about yourself solely
when everything in your life is going well. Ask yourself, how often is
everything going well at the same time? Living up to everyone's
expectations rather than your own, is a classic condition upon which
you find yourself, 'living-your-life-to-please-others,' a sure-fire
way to severely compromise your confidence and purpose in life. True
self-esteem on the otherhand, is your emotionally secure, solid sense
of self and self-acceptance that anchors deeply into the recesses of
your being, regardless of how the outside world views you.
This is not to suggest, however, that it matters not
what others think of you. To a reasonable degree, it is imperative for
you to be conscionably concerned how others perceive you. It is more
important, however, for you to hold personal standards high and
attainable. True self-esteem is developed when you assume the role of
responsibly directing your own life. Depending upon your age and level
of social maturity, such self-determination may not yet be fully
attainable without the guidance of your family and instructors.
Performing community service absent of school mandated requirements
develops true self-esteem, as does studying for the enjoyment of
learning and playing sports for the fun of it, rather than merely to
win.
True self-esteem in conjunction with confidence
building and moral development will encourage you toward a desire to
comfortably associate with peers that are respected and productive. In
addition, you will feel inspired to direct yourself toward meaningful
challenge and potentially phenomenal productivity. Along the lines of
productivity, as addressed in my last column, you are truly the first
generation in modern history to reap vast rewards, both emotional as
well as financial, by believing in yourself, leaving excuses for
underachievement behind and by maximizing your true potentials.
So there you have it. Build your 'true' self-esteem,
reinforce your confidence with positive self-statements and nurture
your dreams-. Your next success is just around the corner.
Until next time. Please e-mail your welcomed comments,
suggestions and opinions to, rhkahill911@cs.com
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