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Much of what you hear from your parents, teachers and
counselors focuses on the development of your self-esteem. You're
endlessly reminded that, a strong sense of self-worth coupled with a
healthy dose of confidence, will enhance your capacity to succeed in
life and to keep pace with your competition. What you are being told
is accurate. But, everyone assumes that you know what 'self-esteem'
is! Perhaps you do, but what if you don't? What then are you to make
of what you are being told? On the other hand, you might be interested
to know that there exists a rather significant number of educators,
psychologists and others that do not believe in self-esteem or if they
believe in 'it,' they discount the need for 'it' in order for young
persons to succeed.
Accordingly, let's take some time to establish what
self-esteem is and then allow you to estimate 'its' importance in your
life. The philosopher Marcus Aurelius, 30 B.C. espoused, "Think
of what you have rather than what you lack. Of the things you have,
select the best and then reflect how eagerly you would have sought
them, if you did not have them." In other words, gratitude for
that which you have, contributes to your sense of self-worth.
Imagining not having that which is vitally important to you, (i.e.-
your health, a supportive and loving family, freedom, etc.) allows you
to put into perspective, those aspects of your life that contribute to
your sense of confidence and identity.
Two research psychologists, Deci and Ryan (1994) speak
of contingent as distinguished from true self-esteem. Contingent
self-esteem is simply, self-esteem that develops from conditional
tasks and relationships. For example, feeling good about yourself
solely when everything in your life is going well. Ask yourself, how
often is everything going well at the same time? Living up to everyone
else's expectations rather than your own, is a classic condition upon
which you find yourself,
'living-your-life-to-please-others.' Living your life to please others
is a sure-fire way to severely compromise your confidence and purpose
in life. True self-esteem on the otherhand, is your emotionally
secure, solid sense of self and self-acceptance that anchors deeply
into the recesses of your being, regardless of how the outside world
views you. This is not to suggest however, that it matters not what
others think of you. To a reasonable degree, it is imperative for you
to be conscionable concerned how others perceive you. It is more
important however, for you yourself, to hold personal standards high
and attainable. True self-esteem is developed when you assume the role
of responsibly directing your own life. Depending upon your age and
level of social maturity, such self-determination may not yet be fully
attainable without the guidance of your family and instructors.
Performing community service absent of school mandated requirements
develops true self-esteem, as does studying for the enjoyment of
learning and playing sports for the fun of it, rather than merely to
win.
True self-esteem in conjunction with, confidence
building and moral development will encourage you towards a desire to
comfortably associate with peers that are respected and productive. In
addition, you will feel inspired to direct yourself towards meaningful
challenge and potentially, phenomenal productivity. Along the lines of
productivity, as addressed in my last column, you are truly the first
generation in modern history to reap vast rewards, both emotional as
well as financial, by believing in yourself, leaving excuses for
underachievement behind and by maximizing your true potentials.
So there you have it; build your 'true' self-esteem,
reinforce your confidence with positive self-statements and nurture
your dreams- your next success is just around the corner.
Until next time, please e-mail your welcomed comments, suggestions and
opinions to, rhkahill911@cs.com
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