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 As
an adolescent, you are well aware of your 'Emotional Needs.' Perhaps
for some of you, your Need for Acknowledgment, Approval, Attention and
Affection are particularly strong. If so, have you ever wondered why?
The 'four A's', as they are sometimes referred to, are
predictable and normal for folks your age. The four A's evolve out of
childhood experiences. Quite logically, the degree to which you are
able to recall and feel the childhood conditions under which you
received the four A's in large part determines the intensity with
which you need the four A's during each subsequent stage of your life.
Make no mistake however, that regardless of your stage in life,
everyone requires a reasonable amount of the four A's.
For a moment, let us clarify if not define the meaning
of each of the four A's. I will call upon renowned psychiatrist, Karen
Horney (that's pronounced Horn-I, in case you're chuckling). Dr.
Horney addressed the issue of human and neurotic needs in her overall
developmental theory of personality. She theorized that an
individual's neurotic needs are an outgrowth of unresolved conflicts
stemming from early childhood interactions involving the parent-child
relationship.
The individual's conflicts become resolvable upon
one's understanding of what the nature or root of the conflicts have
been. Conflicts such as those described by Dr. Horney can remain
deeply rooted within a person's life. Left unresolved, the conflicts
can cause an individual to become very preoccupied with the need to
fill up particular gaps within their life.
Let us now take a look at the four A's. Dr. Horney
identified the need for Acknowledgement as one's need to compensate
for the perceived or actual lack of feeling attended-to as a child.
The need for Approval is an extension of one's intrinsic need for
reassurance and validation. The need for Attention relates to one's
need to be observed. Being observed signals to the individual that
they are not being forgotten or otherwise slighted. Finally, the need
for Affection relates to the individual's aspiration for love, warmth
and emotional connection.
It is vitally important for you to recall that the
needs we are addressing are perfectly normal and healthy to possess.
The needs become neurotic when one becomes chronically insecure and
desperate to fulfill the needs in less than healthy ways, for example
by demand, manipulation or threat.
So, there you have it. You now possess a greater
appreciation for where your needs may derive themselves. Take a few
moments to reflect where some other needs come from; for example, the
need to belong or the need for safety.
This discussion may also prompt some thoughts and
considerations regarding where other persons needs originate.
Accordingly, you could present this exercise to your friends or to
your parents. Be careful though, they might think you're trying to
play Psychologist.
Until next time, please forward your welcomed
comments, ideas and suggestions to The Adolescent Angle at rhkahill911@cs.com.
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